no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
