Just cropdusted the office
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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