as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
