My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dont even know how to be here
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
