No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
