Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
