its not stalking. its research.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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