There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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