She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
