Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
