I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i was born a porn star she said
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You need Xanax blowdarts
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize