mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
