Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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