I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
