How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
