I didn't shave. On purpose
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
