Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
