Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
