Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
