Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
