the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
