Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
