I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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