There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
