oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
