I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
