You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
