omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Text me some of your sweat
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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