I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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