i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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