come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
