Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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