There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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