You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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