I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
