Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
