Don't you send me to vm
My room smells like vodka and shame
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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