after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize