Your mouth is God's brothel.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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