RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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