Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize