I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
