I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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