my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
