i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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