next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
