i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
