bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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