As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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