will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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