Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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