pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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