Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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