I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
