So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
