Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize