FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
