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• (312): View more from Illinois

  office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.

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• (408): View more from California

  she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  I don't have a cat..?

  (940): View more from Texas

  Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL

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• (305): View more from Florida

  We have so much sex to catch up on

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i apologize, I may have called you an iguana

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Mistakes were made

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.

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