I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
