That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
