Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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