Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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