he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm having to shit out rocks
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