I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
