Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
