I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
